Friday, March 30, 2007

29 March 2007 End of the Day Post

Okay, I think the visitors on my blog are bored with just my blog posts on the Campus Superstars 2 competition so I'll write more about what I am currently doing right now.

Work:

Received lots of phone calls wanting me to teach more students but I am already full so I have to turn down many offers, including some with very good rates. Oh well, one cannot possibly earn all the money in the world. Doing what one loves may not necessarily make one a millionaire in the dollars sense, but I really think it can make up for in the satisfaction sense.

Maple Story:

I have been waking up early in the mornings and mapling for the past two weeks, not because I am a crazy gamer, but because I have a dateline to hit a certain character level in preparation for the return of a particular guild member who has been away from so long. With the strength of the new character levels, it will mean much better deterrence against hostile players who may jump on this non-aggressive and passive-playing guild member. Online gaming worlds can be comparably dangerous as the real world in their own ways. Just check out the deviousness of those hackers, scammers, and cheaters in maple story...

Identity versus Knowledge:

My recent appearances in certain forums and tagboards have sparked an equal amount of interest and detest amongst the bloggers and posters on the Internet. It is because I have been taking the initiative to share some of my music knowledge with people who seemed keen to learn. However, it has incurred curiosity, as well as some disgust, about my identity to be speaking about such things. I really wonder - does it take a certificate to speak up one's mind on a particular subject like music? Maybe Singapore is so hooked up about credentials and qualifications that the moment nothing flashy and important-looking is displayed on a signboard, people start to doubt that one is not qualified to say anything about anything at all...Maybe people are more interested in checking up on identities & qualifications than gleaming and applying the knowledge in front of them. To me - it's like inspecting that miniscule crack on the window pane and missing the view outside the window altogether. Such a strange world this is.

The Sims 2:

I have been spending quite some time in front of computer games recently due to bad weather, recovery from sore throat and fatigue from recent workload. So I dug up The Sims 2 and started playing it again. My main kick comes from designing houses and I had the fortunate imaginative streak to come up with a Club-Med style house with lots of pool area surrounded by oasises of luxuriant trees. The Club-Med house has been under construction for nearly a week but I am not complaining at all because it is my best designed house to date. Once I completed it, I will find some way to post it up for everyone to see. The more I look at it, the more I think it's worth showing off to on my blog..haha

That's all for now. Time to sleep and get energy for Friday, which is another busy gym+gaming+working day for me. Have a good weekend yourself! =)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Tips for CSS 2 contestants in 2nd round auditions


I understand that for the second round of the closed-doors CSS 2 auditions, the three hundred contestants will have to sing a slow and a fast song for the judges' panel. As with all of my previous related blog posts, I am here to only provide a guide for all those contestants who may interested in hearing what I have to say during this stage of the competition and for those who are really keen to learn more about music, they can freely choose to mull over what I will be saying in the remaining portions of this blog post.

In order to do well for the second CSS 2 auditions, the contestants must obviously pick songs that they can manage confidently. They will have to learn from the disastrous mistakes made by hundreds of other contestants during the first round where many have chosen popular but very difficult songs. Thus, they gave themselves and the judges a hard time because they could not bring out the songs' flavours and styles adequately to impress the judges. Of course, the songs selected should not be totally unheard of by the general population or be too outdated that they would sound too old from the voices of the young contestants.

I noticed a particular trend amongst the judges this year in picking contestants whose voices match their appearances. I believe this is a management-level decision to make the Campus Superstar competition more friendly and less stressful, thus moving away from being a miniature shadow of Project Superstar or Singapore Idol. Hence, I believe it will be a good idea to pick songs that one can carry rather than songs that may appear too matured or heavy-going if a contestant looks particularly youthful and energetic.
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For example, a youthful and bright-eyed male contestant should not choose songs from Li Sheng Jie because his songs may sound too matured and emotive for the contestant who may look inappropriate to be singing those songs. Or for example, a young and jovial-looking female contestant should not choose songs from Sandy Lam because her songs require a certain level of maturity as well as a melodiously-layered voice.

So what are the possible songs that can be sung? If contestants reading this blog post have not decided yet, I have provided two music songlists for their general reference. I know I missed out some of the newer songs but the two songlists are just guidelines for those who are really desperate or lost in choosing songs for the coming weekend's closed-door auditions.

For the music songlist for slow songs, click here.
For the music songlist for fast songs, click here instead.

Slow songs have the following pitfalls, which contestants should learn to avoid: Wrong pitching, off-key choruses, weak endnotes, and poor emotion management.

Fast songs have the following pitfalls, which contestants should learn to avoid: off-tempo, garbled lyrics & pronunciation, out of breath, and poor emotion management.

In order to face the rest of the faithful supporters of Teresa, I will only explain the common pitfall of poor emotion management for CSS 2 contestants reading this. You will have to figure out the rest of the points yourselves. Yes, I am selfish because I am saving up all the more advanced pointers for Teresa only but I will help CSS 2 contestants at adequately basic level because I also hope to see good singing circulating around in Singapore.

Okay, back to the topic - Poor emotion management of songs usually happen when contestants do not really prepare themselves emotionally for the songs. For example, Wang Lee Hom's song "Kiss Goodbye" requires a sad and frustrated song persona who laments at the loss of his love. If the contestant miss the emotions necessary at the various parts of the song, smiling at the wrong line of lyrics, emoting at the incorrect line of the chorus, the contestant will most probably be marked down for poor emotion management of the song.

How does one improve one's emotion management of songs? Learn how the song is sung by the song persona (not the singer). I do not mean imitating the singer, Lee Hom, in singing Kiss Goodbye because Campus Superstar is not an imitation competition. I mean emoting the song in the appropriate places, degree and learn to be genuinely touched by the song. Professional judges can tell very easily if a contestant merely emotes the song without truly understanding the song's state of emotions.

That is all for now. Hope the above helps all those who are interested and loves singing. Jia you~~


Saturday, March 24, 2007

我只求帮助有心人,但好人难做啊



真是好人难做。帮忙人家回答一道音乐上的难题,换来的却是猜测与怀疑,还有人骂我是怪物。嗨~~~

所谓歌曲的“feel”,源自于歌手如何搭配歌词,轻重音,节奏感,与感情运用来带出歌曲的独特感觉。喜,怒,哀,乐,愁,悲,忧,等等的情感要掌握得恰当,得用心听歌,学歌,唱歌, 并回味歌,才能练出歌曲的“feel”。

歌唱学海无涯,非常可惜的是这位年轻《校园Superstar》歌手似乎自视蛮高,竟然敢相当无礼地反问我到底会不会唱歌。哈哈~~真是初生之犊不怕虎...虽然我并非“虎”,但以我歌唱的经验与小小的实力,唱得应该没她想象中的烂。

无论如何,还是希望她会加油,因为我蛮看好她的磁性歌喉,会有发展空间。听说她是方钟桦的门徒,想必应该在学方老师独特的“double-beat"。虽然和我所传授咏霖的“total entertainment value”有别,但应该是异曲同功。

加油吧,喜欢唱歌的朋友们!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Report on Teresa’s Peformance on 17 Mar @ CSS 2 Female Auditions


Teresa appeared onstage together with Zhiyang at around 1.22pm after the performances by Nat, Carrie, Alejandro, Khim, Yiyua, Adriano, and Yuyang. She sang the solo song 原来你一直都在 by 张惠春,Saya and the duet song of 珊瑚海 by 周杰伦, Jay and Lara with Zhiyang and left the premises at around 1.45pm.

Teresa was dressed in a beautiful pink floral-patterned top and a pair of navy blue jeans. And I think she was still the best dressed amongst all the Superstars who performed today because her top was the prettiest in my humble fashion opinion.

When the mcees asked what were keeping Zhiyang and Teresa busy, Teresa only answered with a short reply “Schoolwork” and proceeded to start her solo song. I was pretty worried for Teresa because her reply to the mcees sounded really weak and almost inaudible. Faithful supporters of Teresa can probably from the
photographs provided by alan_is_not_great that Teresa looked frail and lethargic today. Teresa’s less-than-normal condition onstage was further confirmed when she started singing a song which was different from what Thomas had emailed me on Friday night.

The song was supposed to be 想念你的歌 but it turned out to be
原来你一直都在instead. I was quite shocked because the new solo song was not really what Teresa had prepared for and in the end Teresa seemed to have done a less than average job with the new solo song. In my humble opinion, the song was way too low for Teresa’s competent vocal range and our dear Teresa sounded as if she was trying to struggle to reach the low notes throughout the solo performance, resulting in the lapse of interest by the listening audience as they started to fidget during her solo performance.

After Zhiyang had performed his two shortened solo songs, Teresa sang a duet with Zhiyang using the popular
珊瑚海 and it sounded much better because the song was more suitable for her vocal range and capabilities. The second duet was responded with a much louder round of applause and cheering because both Zhiyang and Teresa sounded quite good together even though their harmonization within the song still have room for improvements (Teresa sounded a little too sharp at certain parts when she re-entered the song whilst Zhiyang’s voice projection was a little too loud).

I am also using this report as an opportunity because according to Thomas’ email on Friday night, I had always thought Teresa was just going to perform one solo song just like the rest of the Campus Superstars and instructed the idollic.com/teresa administrator so. When Teresa went onstage for the duet, the administrator was caught surprised and did not manage to record the duet with Zhiyang in time. I hereby apologize to the rest of the faithful supporters of Teresa for causing the loss of the video recording of the duet song. I hope alan_is_not_great, who was supposedly there as well, managed to take photographs of that duet performance to make up for the loss.

To Teresa: I know you are now probably feeling upset that the solo song was not really sung up to your expectations but I hope you don’t take it too hard upon yourself. Everyone misses the mark during performances once in a while and suffers a few hiccups here and there along the way. I hope you can stay cheery and happy for there will most certainly be another chance to perform and show what you are actually truly capable of with singing.

The grades below serve merely as a guide for your self-improvement and feedback so please don’t take those marks as my personal admonishments to your performance today because I was already informed of the reason why you are not your usual self today. If I was not wrong, I believe you were looking in my direction during certain portions of the solo song performance but I was not really smiling back at you but pursing my lips in worry because I was more worried about you than the performance itself. Hope you don’t find me less friendly because I did not flash my usual smile back at you today.

In the meantime, hope you can recover completely and I hope to see you beaming and shining again at your next performance.


My personal grading for our dear Teresa for her performance (solo song only) is as follows:

1.0) Singing Capability (Subtotal: 16.5 out of 25 marks)

1.1) Lyrics accuracy (3 out 5 marks) - includes lyrics memorization
Reason: I could not hear at least eight to twelve words of the solo song (especially the middle parts of the solo song) so I considered that as only partial success of this portion by Teresa because if I could not hear the lyrics, I could not tell if the song was sung accurately.

1.2) Tempo accuracy (4.5 out 5 marks) - includes synchronization to the tempo of song
Reason: Although Teresa seemed to be struggling with her feeble-sounding voice, she still managed to keep up with the tempo of the song so I still award her the points for this segment of TEV.

1.3) Breath control (3.5 out 5 marks) - includes breathing techniques and song pausesReason: Not as well managed as tempo, Teresa looked a little strained during her solo song and could just manage to hit the high endnotes at the end parts of the song.

1.4) Voice clarity (2 out 5 marks) - includes pronunciation of lyrics and notes
Reason: I failed our dear Teresa (sadly) in this segment of the TEV because her voice was really weak amidst the music accompaniment and that also caused the attention of the audience to lapse whilst she was singing. This is a big no-no for any performer so voice clarity was a major flaw in this particular performance of Teresa.

1.5) Singing techniques (3.5 out 5 marks) - includes voicing platforms and bass use, rapping, etcReason: She did her best on this segment as she seemed to attempt to use the bass voicing platform for the low-key solo song but Teresa’s low notes are still a problem even up till today. If only I could speak directly to her, I think I know how to help her low-notes.

2. 0) Song Delivery (Subtotal: 14 out of 20 marks)

2.1) Facial expression of performer (2.5 out 5 marks)
Reason: I could tell that Teresa was looking quite weak physically because she could not flash her megawatt smile properly and her face returned to a solemn expression after she left the stage. I took quite a big deduction of points off this segment of TEV because her smile was one of her major attractions, which was seriously missing before she sang her songs and after she finished singing them.

2.2) Body language of performer (3.5 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Teresa’s body language was relatively better because she managed to gesticulate at the right moments of the song but it could have been better because the solo song was pretty dull in content and hard to have a wide variety of gesticulation.

2.3) Emotion management of performer (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Emotion management of the song was done quite to the job and I have had no complaints with how well Teresa sank into the song’s mood.

2.4) Creativity of song deliverance (4 out 5 marks)

Reason: Teresa knew that the solo ballad was meant as a romantic song for a specific person so she took time on stage to focus on key groups of audience to sang to them instead of continuously moving across the stage and doing excessive waving and smiling whilst singing. Bright girl indeed.


3.0) Stage Presentation (Subtotal: 17 out of 25 marks)

3.1) Stage posture (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Teresa did not slouch and she had learnt to put her free arm at the respectable position when standing and talking to the mcees. I find nothing to fault her in this segment of the TEV.

3.2) Stage movement (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Teresa had good experience in making full use of the stage and she did quite well in this segment of the TEV.

3.3) Audience interaction (3.5 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Teresa was trying to smile and wave a little at the audience but she seemed to lack the energy to make the effort work out well.

3.4) Camera interaction (3.5 out of 5 marks)
Reason: After a number of performances, Teresa finally had a grasp of the positions of cameras and photographs in the crowd and did her best to pose and face them whenever the song allows her to. Of course, one can see that she barely had enough energy to smile at the cameras though after remembering to face them.

3.5) Mcee interaction (2 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Teresa did badly for this segment of the TEV because her reply was way too short and sketchy to stir interest and quench the curiosity of the audience because many would have wanted to know how she had been doing recently in her life. She did not make good use of the mcee question to develop interest on her and that waste of a good opportunity to showcase her life as a celebrity and I failed her on the wastage.

4.0) Stage Attire (Subtotal: 20.5 out of 25 marks)

4.1) Fashion appeal and impression (4.5 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Elegant plus gentleness. Teresa’s choice of attire got better and better. The flower-print pink top and blue jeans brought the casualness without the loss of formality for the event’s dress code and I awarded her highly in this segment of TEV. One of the Campus Superstars dressed a little too formal while two others were way too casual to show that appropriate level of respect for the event.

4.2) Suitability for song genre (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Both the solo and the duet song are ballads and thus Teresa’s attire suited the songs’ genre. Her attire focused on soft colors and tones to portray the “softness” of the ballads.

4.3) Suitability for stage movement (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Jeans are easier to move around on that small audition stage and the clothing was much lighter for the temperature at HDB Hub and hence looked more comfortable for stage movement.

4.4) Suitability for lighting effects (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: HUB Hub Atrium has natural light and given that the backdrop of the stage was greenish and bluish in color tones. Teresa stood reasonably out with the attire of pinkish top and dark blue jeans. I liked Teresa’s experiments with different colored clothes compared to some of the other Campus Superstars who seemed to be always spotted with white, black or green.

4.5) Suitability for image of performer (4 out of 5 marks)
Reason: Teresa currently still portrays the image of the gentle schoolgirl and hence her stage attire suited her image as a Campus Superstar. Of course, Teresa can experiment with other images if she wishes to but I think her current image is more acceptable to the public because there are already many hip-hype Superstars in the current market.

Total Entertainment Value =
Singing capability [16.5/25] + Song Delivery [14/20] + Stage Presentation [17/25] +
Stage Attire [20.5/25] = [68/95]
(Image source: courtesy of alan_is_not_great from TFC)

Friday, March 16, 2007

The CSS 2 Males' Auditions 16 Mar 2007


I just came back from watching the first segment of males' auditions (10.30am to 12.30pm) of the abovementioned, as well as the publicity performances by a number of CSS 1 and PSS 2 Superstars (12.30pm to 1.30pm) at Toa Payoh HDB Hub a few minutes ago.
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The CSS 2 male contestants were below my expectations and 97% of their performances were disappointing. Many of the guys simply garbled and murmured, muttered and whispered into their microphones. They showed neither self-confidence in introducing themselves nor their songs that they were about to sing. They also demonstrated neither skill nor technique in projecting their voices for the judges and audience to hear. Some even chosed songs which, in my own opinion, are sucidal selections, since there were no music accompaniments when they sing onstage.
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The HBD Hub Atrium is a very noisy place when crowds gather and most of the contestants failed to notice such an important acoustic aspect of the stage and sound setup. With little confidence, weak skill, and poor technique to speak of, only two of the one hundred contestants whom I watched with interest managed to impress me. Maybe my expectations of them were too high but I felt that if they could not even hold their microphones properly and project their voices adequately, those 98% of the male contestants should have come better prepared with more practice.
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Most of the 98% whom I had watched painfully between 10.30am to 12.30pm lacked the necessary emotional management of songs and simply muttered their lyrics into a seemingly-alien piece of equipment (the microphone). They neither gave appropriate eye contact, hand gestures, nor body language to the judges and audience. Only a handful attempted to stir some interest and buzz with audience interaction and most of them just put on a stony expression onstage, with no interest in captivating the audience and judges' attention and hearts. Sigh~~~
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Thankfully, the audition stage was saved by some noteworthy performances by some of the CSS 1 and PSS 2 Superstars and the mood was somewhat rejuvenated at around 1.30pm before I left home. Amongst the Superstars who performed between 12.30pm and 1.30pm were Geraldine, Renfred, Yiyuan, Khim, Alejandro, Yuyang, Daren and Diya. With no offense intended at either the Superstars or their ardent supporters, I would briefly give my personal comments about their performances below:
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Geraldine - Safe song performance suitable for her vocal range but I was hoping for something different to boost her versatility. She gave little audience interaction and barely made much use of the stage though. Nevertheless, it was a good performance to the ears.
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Renfred - Vocal-wise, he lacked the punch necessary to bring out the strengths of the song he sang but he gave an energetic dance segment in the middle of the song, whic was much more uplifting, considering that his dance moves were sharper and more well-practiced than his song.
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Yiyuan - His performance was mediocre to my ears primarily because his dance moves were flagging and weak, seriously toning down the energy of the supposedly impactful song. Yiyuan, if you are reading this, sharper moves and more decisive manoeuvering of the body please. Half-hearted ones are easily discerned in the eyes of those who have seen enough dancing. The saving grace was that Yiyuan's microphone pronounciation was amongst the clearest.
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Khim - She played real safe (too safe) with Elva Hsiao's song (again) and I was a little disappointed because even though her singing had improved and stablized with much better control of her voice projection volume. Khim, if you are reading this, try to attempt other songs like from Ella (SHE) or Coco Lee or Landy Wen because I believe your voice range can fit their songs quite comfortably instead of making little progress in your song selection.
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Alejandro - It has been a while that I heard him sing since his elimination from CSS 1 last year. His voice was thick and mellow and he provided one of the best vocal performance amongst the Superstars. Unfortunately his performance was delayed by an initial technical glitch and he lacked that little bit of smile to convey the warmth of his performance. Other than that, I was pretty pleased with his performance today.
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Yuyang - Yuyang was another careful performer and chosed a song which fitted his vocal range perfectly. However, like Geraldine and Khim, Yuyang played the safe card to the extent that he seemed to sound just the same as the CSS 1 days without significant improvements in his song attempts. If he had attempted to dance abit, the female audience would have screamed in delight but he just stood rooted there like a tree, with no facing, no audience interaction. A pity.
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I don't wish to comment on Daren and Diya individually because I don't know their performances enough to critique on them. However, their duet was much better than their individual song items and I wondered if they followed the trends of better duet singing amongst all the PSS 2 Superstars. However, there was too much facing between themselves and not enough audience interaction to a supposedly happy and interactive duet song selection. Diya, especially, was always looking for Daren's cues onstage, making the duet performance a little one-sided and too bland performance-wise, even though the vocal aspects were much better coordinated.
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I would be turning up again tomorrow for the female auditions, primarily because Teresa will be performing and I have promised a detailed performance report to the rest of the fanclub of Teresa.I can only pray that the female CSS 2 contestants learn from the mistakes of the guys today and avoid them altogether because today's auditions' standards were not enjoyable at all. Jia you~~
Music clears the mind, fills the heart, moves the soul."

(Image source: sibaudio, 26 Jul 2003, stock.xchng)
(Quote source: Sean Ho 14 Feb 2006)

Monday, March 12, 2007

Maple Story: Disastrous Rollback on 11 March 2007

Yesterday after all my lessons when I reached home, I tried logging in to Maple Story to have my dose of online gaming for the weekend when I was unceremoniously kicked out of the game seconds after I logged in.

I could not logged back in for an entire thirty minutes and I thought it must be some silly bug at work again, interrupting my session of fun and relaxation from my hard day of work. When I finally got back in again, it was back to a game of angry megaphones (broadcast messages written by players) and a horror story of the 3rd rollback in the history of Maple Story (SEA server). A rollback is the resetting of the entire game back into another time, resulting in the loss of experience gained by players, any amount of mesos (currency used in gameplay) and equipment looted from monsters, traded from players or gained from quests.

It was quite an eye-opener for me because I had never seen such angry messages written and I could easily understand such a violent reaction from the players. The rollback occurred on a Sunday night where many players are at home playing Maple Story (mapling) and it jsut so coincided with the first Sunday night of the March school holidays and probably hundreds of players stayed up in front of their computers for hours to try to advance their characters in the game. To many's utter horror and dismay, hours of gameplay disappeared witht the rollback (which I calculated to be around 12 hours because I was fortunately spared with no personal losses on my end when I logged out of the game then).

Protests and angry megaphone messages went on for at least an hour, citing terrific losses of milions of experience points, mesos, really expensive and rare equipment traded in the free market (a trading area for players in the entire server) as well as the emotional setback for many players who had devoted hours on the Sunday itself. Many had threatened to quit the game entirely if they were not compensated for their losses. The gamemasters remained quiet throughout the entire night, replying to none of the messages even till now.

I am now writing this blog as there is an on-going server check on MapleSEA right now. Perhaps something might be done to help those poor players who really devoted themselves to the game or perhaps there may be another fourth rollback, which would most certainly mean the explosion of fury from these players. Such is the intensity of emotions from the online gaming world, and there is no underestimation that these players treated their online gaming lives as seriously as their real-life ones. I will most probably sit back and watch the development unfold with quiet interest because it is one of those rarer moments in the history of online gaming in Singapore that I would be able observe the behaviour of players who are fighting fiercely for their rights to recover part of their alternative lives in the virtual world.


Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
By: Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965US black nationalist leader (1925 - 1965)

Thursday, March 08, 2007

300 The Movie


I always liked epic war movies. It's not because I like the blood and gore but it's the morals and principles behind those movies that prompted me to want to watch how strongly people feel for these morals and principles, strong enough even sacrifice their lives. 300 The movie was "based loosely on Battle of Thermopylae which took place in the summer of 480 BC" where the Spartan King, Leonidas, led a small contingent of 300 Spartan warriors against a million-strong Persian invasion force. Although every single Spartan in that group died, their valour was etched in Greek and military history books when the Spartans killed so many Persian soldiers that they successfully held the invasion off for two entire days.

I forced myself to wake up and found a cinema with an early screen time for the movie. However, there were several hiccups with the movie projector, which cost all the movie audience there a full fifteen minutes as the screen blacked out with only the audio function working properly. In the end, the entire movie audience had to shfit to another threater to rewatch the initial loss of that fifteen minutes.

Plot-wise, the movie was generally dry with very little else, other than well-acted slow-motion battle scenes at the mountain pass known as "The Gates of Fire", to look out for and the whole storyline revolves blandly around King Leonidas, who was very outspoken about courage, sacrifice and glory for the Spartan people. However, the movie was thankfully peppered with impressive Spartan military ingenuity and discipline, a witty dialogue between King Leonidas and the Persian King, Xerxes about conquest and submission.

The movie prompts me to think how should one lead one's life? As a free man? As a fearless fighter for honour and glory? Never to retreat or surrender? Never to trust those in politics? Wanting to be remembered? There are so many paths to choose from or even be possibly forced upon but that one line from a related movie "The Last Samurai" probably said it the best - "Every man does the best in the things he know and let his destiny unfold". Who are we in the whole scheme of humanity? We probably will only know when the time has come to reveal our true destinies in our lives. In the meantime, we can only do what we know best in our daily lives, and wait for that moment of truth to reveal itself to us.



A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five
minutes longer.


By: Ralph Waldo Emerson US essayist & poet (1803 - 1882)

Image source: http://sg.movies.yahoo.com/300/movie/13885/photos/?id=6)
Quote source: http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/2193.html)

Saturday, March 03, 2007

I Really Can't Sleep....

It's already 1.38am on Saturday morning and I still can't fall asleep even though my body is aching from all the exercise and work today.

Two things are keeping me awake: The GCE A Level Results and Sustaining Contact Over Long Distance.

Yesterday was the GCE A Level results release date and most of my General Paper students did fairly well in the subject - 1 of them got C5, 4 of them got B3 and 2 of them got A1. Even though this is supposed to be good news for many of them who thought they would fail the subject, some of them did not do as well for the other A level subjects and are in danger of not making it to the university course of their choices.

The pity is that for those who did not do as well, they were the really hardworking ones - sincerely interested in doing well, staying up late to revise their work, gritting their teeth to prepare for the examinations. Yet....Sigh...Life can be so unfair to these people....

Sometimes, being hardworking doesn't really mean one will automatically get the results one hopes. It's really tough for them and this issue brings me to the second matter....

For months now, I have been really trying hard to sustain contact with a VIP friend of mine who is studying overseas but these few weeks, things have been really disastrous for this friend and I am beginning to feel that she is trying to clam up and shut me out from the updates she used to enthusiastically tell me about over the MSN. Maybe I am thinking too much and being overly-sensitive, maybe it's all the recent trouble she is getting into that is wearing her out, but I am really feeling the strain here as the clamming continues. The hurt feels real enough for me though.

What does it take to sustain contact over long distance? I hate to lose this VIP friend due to a lousy, inanimate factor of distance and I have been trying so hard to strike up conversations with her, encouraging her and motivating her, but just now, she bade me a less-than-sincere farewell and hastily left the chat session, leaving me bewildered and lots of unfinished talk intended.

Maybe all my hard work will end up in vain. I don't know. I really don't know. It's not that I don't trust this VIP friend, but the clamming up and shielding me from whatever that is really happening to her right now definitely hurts me. My self-confidence in sustaining this contact is fading. What can I do? For one of those rare moments in my life, I am feeling pretty much useless and helpless...

No nice picture for this blog post because my morale is really low and I still have lessons tomorrow. It's 1.55am now and I must try to get some shut-eye. It won't be easy but my mortal life goes on, even though my mind will probably still linger about the incident....